MSTer's note: Well, here we go MSTing again with my favorite fivesome. (Okay, so that sounded a bit weird.) Anyway, this is my first lemon MSTing, and I should just put up the standard warning that you shouldn't be reading this if you're under 18 or have a weak stomach. As always, no malice is intended towards the original author (because I know I sure as hell couldn't get up the nerve to actually write a lemon); we're just MSTing the story here. I'd like to thank Selece of Water for being so nice about this (wow, I didn't get flamed!). As for the other obligatory legal stuff, One Night After Another belongs to Selece of Water, the MSTing concept is copyright <insert year here> by Best Brains, Inc, DQ characters are the property of Enix, and FF characters belong to Square. Now that I've got all my bases covered, please refrain from doing nasty things like suing me (especially since as always, I'm broke). Now, on with the MSTing!
***
The villain Necrosaro
Wants to rule the world (la-la-la)
He sends his minions after her
Till his plan can be unfurled (la-la-la)
So Esturk, Sampson, and Radimvice
Plague her with stuff that's not too nice
Full of plot holes, one and all
So she MST's with all her friends:
Heroes' Roll Call:
Cristo!
("Be kind to travellers!")
Ragnar!
("Shut up, Cristo!")
Our Hero!
("The name's Tavia!")
Breeeeeeeeey!
("Pushing up daisies!")
If you wonder how they do all this
When they're off to save the Earth (la-la-la)
Repeat to yourself, "It's a silly game
And besides, it could be worse..."
In Mystery DQ Theater 3000...
***
[The wagon, as usual. The Heroes are sitting in a circle, and Cristo is wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with little red hearts on them. Assorted pieces of armor and random clothing is piled up off to the side.]
Cristo: Whose bright idea was it to play strip poker anyway?
Alena: You're the one who was getting all nostalgic about the casino in Endor...
Our Hero [cringing as Cristo loses another hand]: You know, I'm feeling a little nauseated. How about we end the game for tonight?
Ragnar: No one's up for strip jousting?
[Cristo cringes as he realizes how outclassed he is in this area.]
Cristo: Um...yeah, let's call it a night... [Cristo reaches for his pants]
[Cristo thankfully begins to dress himself, and all is looking just fine until a voice is heard out of nowhere...]
DQ's Esturk: How interesting...can we say hentai, boys and girls?
Alena: Oh, it's you again.
[Our Hero lifts the door flap of the wagon and vomits.]
DQ's Esturk: In keeping with the...events...of your night, I'm sending over something lemony fresh for you...
Heroes: Oh no, we've got LEMON FANFIC SIGN!!!
[Still trying to figure out how to get all those doors into the wagon...]
Brey: I don't know if this is going to be suitable viewing for you, Princess Alena...
Alena: Um, I don't think I'll be the one you need to worry about... [Glances fearfully over at Cristo, who has an evil grin on his face]
~*~ Yet an interesting hentai fanfic by the talented Selece of Water,
Our Hero: Why do I have this feeling we're going to be disagreeing with that point by the end of the fanfic?
Alena: Now, now, we're not supposed to be making fun of the authors...much.
its for Final Fantasy 5, the best fianl fantasy written.
Alena: Well, compared to the English translation of FF4, anyway...
Ragnar: Please don't remind me of that. That was traumatic.
Well this
is really only my opinion so dont go trying to beat me with a freak
stick or something...I need no more bruises thank you...
Cristo: If we were allowed to mock the authors, I would be making some snide comments right here.
Alena: Save it for the fic, buddy.
Well you know
all the copyrights and stuff so I need no more hurting again...have
fun
with the story. Hope you like it. ~*~
Our Hero: Sorry, no chance of that happening.
-----------------------------
Alena: If we cut along the dotted line, could we throw the lemon away and get on with our lives?
One Night After Another
by Selece of Water
"HOLY!!"
Ragnar: ...shit?
Our Hero: ...Hand Grenade of Antioch?
Cristo: ...FF hentai, Batman?
Lenna yelled in a mad rage to kill the ugly beast with
was Neo-ExDeath.
Our Hero: Ooh, ooh, ooh, do I get to make extensive grammar flames now?!
Alena: It's going to get redundant, Tavia.
Lenna the traveler along with Faris, her sister, Butz
her little crush,
Cristo: If that's the case, this isn't going to be a very interesting lemon.
Alena: When will Esturk realize the error of his ways?
and Kirle, Galufs cute little granddaugter.
Our Hero: Sentence fragment. Just so you know.
She threw
Ragnar: ...up.
her white magic attack at the final boss as the four of them watched
it
deteriorate before the winners of the battle. They had all survived
the power of the Mu and the darkness of hell and overcame yet another
freakish hell-daemon.
Alena: Well, good for them.
As it perished, the four all rejoiced at the fact that the
is now in one piece
Our Hero: The what?
...literally...
Brey: This fanfic is confusing me. Where's the graphic sex?
Alena: Don't encourage it.
and that the threat had passed and
once a again the two worlds had been merged as one.
Our Hero: So it's the world which is in one piece? Thanks for clearing that up.
Kirle could now
live with Faris, Lenna, and Butz, as well as her telepathically linked
chocobos and moogles.
Cristo: And that's not the only way they're linked...
Alena: Please, let this not be a bestiality lemon. Please, let this not be a bestiality lemon...
Lenna and Faris could now rule the newly rest-
ored Kingdom of Tycoon, Butz could go back to his little town of Lix
Cristo: So Butz is going to Lix? And people say I'm a perv...
and live with his friends and think of about the past, and lastly, Cid
and Mid remained in the Ronkan Ruins to learn more about the primitive
technology that exsisted before their time.
Our Hero: And in that one run-on sentence, we've got the entire rest of their lives summed up!
Lenna sat in her room in her sheer blue nightgown gazing up at
perfectly clear night and stars shinning so brightly.
Our Hero: Shinning?
Alena: Forget it, Tavia.
Our Hero: Can I make fun of the apparent lack of clarifying pronouns and articles, then?
Alena: We get the point.
Cristo: It's a lemon, Tavia. It's not supposed to be grammatically correct.
Ragnar: Or grammatically coherent, for that matter.
Our Hero: I get the point. [sulks]
She walked up to
her window
Alena: ...and jumped out, plummeting to her death. The end.
and leaned against the stone window sill. The coldness of
the sill against her breasts started to make her nipples harden a bit.
Brey: Hey, where did that come from?
Cristo: Foreshadowing, I believe. Just in case you weren't sure you were reading a lemon.
She was a bit tired and felt like going to sleep and she looked once
more up at the sky and heard a short short
Cristo: Now I'm confused. I thought she was wearing a nightgown.
behind her. She stopped
dead in her tracks
Alena: Well, it's not like she was going anywhere anyway.
standing perfectly still waiting to hear it again.
Our Hero: She's trying to hear a short short?
She could hear the faint sound of breaths. Lenna turned around in a
panic to see Butz standing there in his traveler uniform starring
Ragnar: ...in this rotten lemon.
straight
at her. She sighed in relief of his presence.
Our Hero: Am I the only one here who would not be relieved to have a man named Butz just wander into my bedroom in the middle of the night?
Cristo: Remember, he's her "little crush."
Alena: Yeah, we all know what's going to happen next.
"Butz...What are you doing here?"
Cristo [Butz]: Admiring the view.
Lenna mutter silently
Our Hero: If she muttered silently, how did he hear her?
Butz just smiled and walked up to her, standing just in front of her.
He admired her beauty and revealing attire looking in her eyes.
Alena: Yeah, I'm sure that's where he's looking...
"To see you of course...My Princess Lenna"
Our Hero: It's the new My Princess Lenna doll, complete with transparent lingerie!
Butz said with a
slight smirk across his lips.
Lenna smiled and looked back up at him. She smirked
Ragnar: They sure do a lot of smirking in this fic, don't they?
Cristo: I bet that's not all they do a lot of.
a bit and walked
past him to her desh
Alena: So, she's got a thing going on with Desh? I didn't know this was a crossover lemon!
Ragnar: You do, of course, realize that comparatively speaking, there aren't a whole lot of people who've played the Japanese FF3...
Alena: There are plenty of them. They just don't necessarily speak English, that's all.
and sat down on a chair and crossed her legs
Cristo: Oh, so she's playing hard to get?
Brey: You know she wants it. [Everyone looks at Brey strangely.]
and
arms in front of her. She could see it in his eyes what he was
expecting
from her that night
Alena: Thank you, I'd rather not think about that.
[Our Hero vomits in a corner at the thought.]
but she felt like making him admit it to her.
She smirked up at him
Ragnar: There they go smirking again.
Cristo: If you changed the word *smirk* to *fuck* it would still hold true.
and narrowed her eyes, "Why are you
_really_ here...
Alena [Butz]: I just wanted some advice on how to ask your sister to marry me...
Brey [Butz]: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
you know theres a reason behind your visit...so come
out with it dear..."
Cristo [Butz]: Lenna, I'm gay.
Alena: I don't think she meant that kind of coming out...
He walked up to her again and picked her up and stood her up,
Our Hero: The bastard!
Alena: Lenna kills him for betraying her, then commits suicide. The end.
"You know why I'm here...why play games love?"
Our Hero: Because to the unsuspecting reader, this almost makes it look like the lemon has a plot.
Brey: It does. It's called graphic sex.
Alena: That's not a plot, just a bad excuse.
She traced her fingers
Our Hero: ...on a piece of construction paper and gave it to her father for his birthday.
Alena: How cute!
down his sides and looked up at him smiling
innocently,
"What games? I just want to know why your
Our Hero: Noooooo! In this case, it's supposed to be YOU'RE!!! [Jumps up and down, yelling and screaming.]
Alena: Somebody should have been an English teacher.
here again for
the 4th night in a row...there must be some little reason behind all
of this...Now...are you gunna tell me why your
[Our Hero seethes.]
here with me tonight?"
He knelt down and slid his arm around her ass
Alena: Please, Rubiss, let this not be a bestiality fic...
and put her over
his shoulder and carried her to her bed and layed her down on her back
leaning over her.
Alena: How methodical of him.
Cristo: Ok, so she's been laid on her back now. That's pretty standard.
"I have a very good reason for being here, it takes my mind off
of my lonliness and back onto you...literally..."
Brey: Well, so would masturbation. Your point?
Having said that he slipped the straps off of her shoulder and down
to
her
ankles and off tot he side.
Alena: If I were her, I would have tripped over that damn nightgown a few times already.
Our Hero: If I were her, I'd kill myself and put an end to this lemon.
He smiled looking over her body.
Brey: And who wouldn't?
Lenna
looked up at him blushing alittle thinking she may have made her
wording laittle blunt.
Our Hero: "Laittle?"
Alena: I think it's French.
"Ok well I think enough has been said right here."
Brey: Yeah, now get it on!
[The other Heroes exchange concerned glances, worried that Brey is a dirty old man.]
Lenna
whispered silently,
Our Hero: And what's the point of that, may I ask?
"Its a good thing you came I was getting tired and
was about to go to sleep love."
Cristo: So let me get this straight: they just had sex, she'd already climaxed 47 times or so, and he finally had an orgasm, just as she was about to fall asleep?
Alena: Not quite. This is a lemon, Cristo; 47 orgasms wouldn't be enough to tire her out.
He got down on top of her
Cristo: Get down and funky!
and took her left breast into his
mouth
Cristo [Lenna]: Ow! Hey, put that back, you asshole!
Ragnar: For a "little crush," Butz must have a big mouth.
and played with her nipple on his tounge.
Our Hero: TOUNGE?!!! What the hell is a tounge?!
Alena: Um...I think the author meant "tongue."
Our Hero: What the hell is so difficult about the word "tongue?" Why is it that in every lemon you hear about this "tounge" thing? I'm getting sick of this!!! Dammit!!!!! [Hyperventilates for a while, then finally calms down.] Okay, I'm done now.
He played with her
other
Cristo: Other what?
in his hands squeezing and fingering her nipple. With his
other hand
Alena: Okay, so how many hands does this guy have?
her rubbed her clit making sure every part of her body
was being plesured.
Ragnar: Um, she has more than two body parts.
She moaned loud making sure he knew she wanted
more.
Brey: Oh, like that wasn't obvious.
His hand left her clit
Our Hero [Lenna, finally getting into the spirit of things]: Hey, put that back!
and traced around her pussy
Alena: I was hoping this wouldn't be a bestiality fic.
Ragnar: Mitters, no!!!
Cristo [Mitters]: Mrrow, hiss!
and slipped
two fingers up her as far as he could
Brey: Which wasn't far, considering there was a tampon in the way.
Alena: Oh, yuck!
[Our Hero vomits in the corner again, while Cristo and Ragnar sit speechless.]
and Lenna threw her head back
Alena: ...and died of blood loss. The end.
Our Hero: Lenna didn't like the head she had, so she threw that one back and got a new one...
and panted louder and slid her arms around his back.
He lifted himself off of her
Cristo: So much for Lenna putting her arms around him.
Ragnar: This has been an advertisement for the Jaws of Life.
and removed his clothes from his
Cristo: His what?
Ragnar: His blow-up doll?
Our Hero: His dresser drawer, so he could put them on after taking a nice cold shower...
as Lenna sat upright watching him, waiting for him to disrobe himself.
Cristo: This is a tame lemon. She's not even helping.
She looked over his muscular body
Alena: [Lenna]: <shrug>
and leaned back as he pressed
himself against her breasts
Brey: I believe you mean "titties." This is a lemon, after all.
and stomach and pushed the head of his
dick into her.
Our Hero: Into her what?
Cristo: Her bellybutton. After all, he is her "little crush."
She put her arms back around him as he pushed his
whole self into her
Cristo: All 11 inches? [The other Heroes give him ominous stares.] That's how lemons work. Don't ask me why I know this.
and she yelled out a bit in pleasure.
Alena: Just a bit, though, because it was only a bit pleasurable.
He pulled
himself out and in again, holding her in his arms and quickening
Ragnar: What is this, Highlander?
his thrusts everytime. Butz felt himself building up so he picked
up speed
Cristo: Because every sexual experience must be intensified with illegal drugs!
and thrusted deeper and harder into her and let out his
warm cum into her and slipped out.
Cristo: And that was it? What kind of a lemon is this, anyway?
Alena: Mercifully, a short one.
He held her in his arms and
told her that he loved her.
Ragnar: Yeah, guys'll say anything after they've gotten some. [Alena glares at him.] Well, it's true. [sulks indignantly]
Lenna blushed alittle and leaned against
him and told him that she loved him to
Our Hero: She loved him to what? Or did the author mean *too*?
and fell asleep.
Butz watched Lenna fall asleep a quietly picked himself up
Alena: ...off the floor, where he ended up after Lenna kicked him out of the bed.
and put his clothes back on and took one last look at her beauty.
Brey: Wonder which part that was a euphemism for?
Alena: Her eyes. Now shut up, Dirty Old Man.
Brey: Hey, just getting into the lemon spirit...
"Sweet dreams my love...See you tomarrow night"
Our Hero: When he will wander into her room, fuck her, and leave, just as always. How fucking romantic.
Alena: Tavia, language!
Our Hero: Bite me.
With that he walked out to his room and fell asleep as well.
Cristo: And that's it?
Alena: Thank Rubiss. Don't encourage them, Cristo.
-----------------------------
Wasn't that just so lovely?
Ragnar: Did you want an honest opinion, or will you pay us to lie?
Well I hope you at least got alittle from it
Alena: Well, I think Brey did...
[Brey's eyes are glazed over and bits of drool are coming from the corners of his mouth, which is upturned in a frighteningly ecstatic grin.]
and don't hate
it at the moment...
Cristo: Hell, I've seen worse.
Heroes: We know.
Ja Minna
©1999 January 9
~ $êlèçë þrõðûçtïóñs ~
Alena: Well, no need to mock the author's name. Shall we go?
Our Hero: Let's. [The Heroes exit the theater and return to the main part of the wagon.]
***
Alena: I think the worst part of that whole experience was discovering what a pervert Brey is.
Cristo: Yeah, the actual lemon wasn't so bad. Comparatively speaking, that is.
Our Hero: True enough. Now let's get back to the game...
Brey: Right foot, blue!
[Ragnar, who is in his boxers, falls to the floor.]
Ragnar: Okay, so whose bright idea was it to play strip Twister, anyway?
[The sound of Brey's laughter can be heard for miles around as this MDQT grinds to a halt.]
***
"He walked up to her again and picked her up and stood her up..."